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Mid-Week Oz Returns....
Feb. 6th, 2017 02:42 pmThe Playboy Mansion, Friday
In another stellar week for President Raoul Tinpot, foreign dignitaries were left in awe of the tiny dictator’s diplomatic skills. Oz’ hapless leader Lord Sidious is still being treated for earburn after what he described as a full and frank exchange of views with the deranged toddler. Mexico’s President Gamas Cortez thanked him for the horse’s head and promised to cherish it in the spirit in which it was offered. He then cancelled his impending visit. The Toddler-In-Chief was then wheeled out of a meeting of the Security Council by his chief strategist Dirk Diggler, who announced in a press conference that they hoped to have the Prez on solids any day now, and not to worry.
Meanwhile, investors hoping for direction on matters economic were mollified by the release of a handwritten document purporting to be the President’s grand economic strategy. After the crayon capitals were decrypted, it appears that the plan is:
1. Repeal of the Fox and Hens law. In future all henhouses must be left unlocked, and any fox of good character must be granted free access during the hours of darkness.
2. Repeal of the Capital Requirement Act. This excessive and burdensome regulation requires banks to have some money before they are allowed to lend it out.
3. Any friend of the President must be granted free access to capital markets, and if banks know what’s good for them they will stump up the readies.
4. Enactment of the Open Slather Rule, in which any project the President thinks is a good idea must be built with somebody else’s money forthwith.
A recording of further private remarks by the President was confiscated by Diggler’s aides, but the remainder of the Presidential speech is believed to have been as follows:
‘Where there are losers, there are also winners. And I’m the winningest guy around. The GFC was good for business, and I’m gonna bring back those great times. It’s gonna be a great recession. I have the best recessions! It’s gonna be huuuuge!’
The tape was then destroyed, and the President was sent to bed early with his teddy bear and a glass of milk.
In another stellar week for President Raoul Tinpot, foreign dignitaries were left in awe of the tiny dictator’s diplomatic skills. Oz’ hapless leader Lord Sidious is still being treated for earburn after what he described as a full and frank exchange of views with the deranged toddler. Mexico’s President Gamas Cortez thanked him for the horse’s head and promised to cherish it in the spirit in which it was offered. He then cancelled his impending visit. The Toddler-In-Chief was then wheeled out of a meeting of the Security Council by his chief strategist Dirk Diggler, who announced in a press conference that they hoped to have the Prez on solids any day now, and not to worry.
Meanwhile, investors hoping for direction on matters economic were mollified by the release of a handwritten document purporting to be the President’s grand economic strategy. After the crayon capitals were decrypted, it appears that the plan is:
1. Repeal of the Fox and Hens law. In future all henhouses must be left unlocked, and any fox of good character must be granted free access during the hours of darkness.
2. Repeal of the Capital Requirement Act. This excessive and burdensome regulation requires banks to have some money before they are allowed to lend it out.
3. Any friend of the President must be granted free access to capital markets, and if banks know what’s good for them they will stump up the readies.
4. Enactment of the Open Slather Rule, in which any project the President thinks is a good idea must be built with somebody else’s money forthwith.
A recording of further private remarks by the President was confiscated by Diggler’s aides, but the remainder of the Presidential speech is believed to have been as follows:
‘Where there are losers, there are also winners. And I’m the winningest guy around. The GFC was good for business, and I’m gonna bring back those great times. It’s gonna be a great recession. I have the best recessions! It’s gonna be huuuuge!’
The tape was then destroyed, and the President was sent to bed early with his teddy bear and a glass of milk.
