Mid-Week Oz
Wonderland, Yesterday
Confected outrage swept the nation with the revelation that Junior Minister for Cognitive Dissonance Ken Oath had attempted some unauthorized rumpy-pumpy on an overseas jaunt. His intended sweetheart Dolores Coghlan took her revenge for what she described as the Dinner Date From Hell by sharing the sordid details with shock-jock tabloid No Idea. Oath was informed that he was going to spend considerably more time with what remained of his family. 'The finest traditions of our Party include a wife in the country and a fancy-woman in the city,' parliamentary leader A.N. Other is alleged to have told Oath. 'But there is no room in this Party for blokes who try to pick up and don’t succeed.'
Meanwhile, the parliamentary wing of the Ladies’ Auxiliary have put all members on notice that country voters – as in the people who put you lazy pricks on your padded seats in the House – are utterly fed up. 'If you can’t keep it zipped up then you’re out on your ear. Men are becoming unelectable in the Bush. Why do you think that is, hmmm?' quoth deputy leader Emmeline Pankhurst. Supreme Leader Malcolm Aspirin was last seen with his head in his hands wondering why he can’t take a trick these days; while Pretender to the Throne Brian Bollux is believed to be buying Tatts tickets. 'When you're hot, you’re hot,' he is believed to have commented to aides, after negotiating a more than usually tense National Talkfest in the penumbra of Oath’s extravagances.
Across the waves, the long-running pantomime Nightmare On Pennsylvania Avenue continues to packed houses and matinees, with audiences agog to see what President Dorito will come up with next. As aeroplanes circle the orange-haired behemoth, he continues to invent new excuses for his utter incompetence. Czar of all Russias Vlad the Impaler meanwhile was rumoured to have questioned why some bastards refuse to stay bought. He is reported to be openly reconsidering his overseas investments. More as it comes to hand….
Confected outrage swept the nation with the revelation that Junior Minister for Cognitive Dissonance Ken Oath had attempted some unauthorized rumpy-pumpy on an overseas jaunt. His intended sweetheart Dolores Coghlan took her revenge for what she described as the Dinner Date From Hell by sharing the sordid details with shock-jock tabloid No Idea. Oath was informed that he was going to spend considerably more time with what remained of his family. 'The finest traditions of our Party include a wife in the country and a fancy-woman in the city,' parliamentary leader A.N. Other is alleged to have told Oath. 'But there is no room in this Party for blokes who try to pick up and don’t succeed.'
Meanwhile, the parliamentary wing of the Ladies’ Auxiliary have put all members on notice that country voters – as in the people who put you lazy pricks on your padded seats in the House – are utterly fed up. 'If you can’t keep it zipped up then you’re out on your ear. Men are becoming unelectable in the Bush. Why do you think that is, hmmm?' quoth deputy leader Emmeline Pankhurst. Supreme Leader Malcolm Aspirin was last seen with his head in his hands wondering why he can’t take a trick these days; while Pretender to the Throne Brian Bollux is believed to be buying Tatts tickets. 'When you're hot, you’re hot,' he is believed to have commented to aides, after negotiating a more than usually tense National Talkfest in the penumbra of Oath’s extravagances.
Across the waves, the long-running pantomime Nightmare On Pennsylvania Avenue continues to packed houses and matinees, with audiences agog to see what President Dorito will come up with next. As aeroplanes circle the orange-haired behemoth, he continues to invent new excuses for his utter incompetence. Czar of all Russias Vlad the Impaler meanwhile was rumoured to have questioned why some bastards refuse to stay bought. He is reported to be openly reconsidering his overseas investments. More as it comes to hand….