Mid-Week Oz

[motg]

Wonderland, Yesterday

Confected outrage swept the nation with the revelation that Junior Minister for Cognitive Dissonance Ken Oath had attempted some unauthorized rumpy-pumpy on an overseas jaunt. His intended sweetheart Dolores Coghlan took her revenge for what she described as the Dinner Date From Hell by sharing the sordid details with shock-jock tabloid No Idea. Oath was informed that he was going to spend considerably more time with what remained of his family. 'The finest traditions of our Party include a wife in the country and a fancy-woman in the city,' parliamentary leader A.N. Other is alleged to have told Oath. 'But there is no room in this Party for blokes who try to pick up and don’t succeed.'

Meanwhile, the parliamentary wing of the Ladies’ Auxiliary have put all members on notice that country voters – as in the people who put you lazy pricks on your padded seats in the House – are utterly fed up. 'If you can’t keep it zipped up then you’re out on your ear. Men are becoming unelectable in the Bush. Why do you think that is, hmmm?' quoth deputy leader Emmeline Pankhurst. Supreme Leader Malcolm Aspirin was last seen with his head in his hands wondering why he can’t take a trick these days; while Pretender to the Throne Brian Bollux is believed to be buying Tatts tickets. 'When you're hot, you’re hot,' he is believed to have commented to aides, after negotiating a more than usually tense National Talkfest in the penumbra of Oath’s extravagances.

Across the waves, the long-running pantomime Nightmare On Pennsylvania Avenue continues to packed houses and matinees, with audiences agog to see what President Dorito will come up with next. As aeroplanes circle the orange-haired behemoth, he continues to invent new excuses for his utter incompetence. Czar of all Russias Vlad the Impaler meanwhile was rumoured to have questioned why some bastards refuse to stay bought. He is reported to be openly reconsidering his overseas investments. More as it comes to hand….

Comments

[catsidhe]

Other commenters on the Oath (attempted) affair were heard to make additional sotto voce statements along the lines of "... 'Sugar Daddy', eh? A rich, powerful, older man looking for a by-definition young, poor, relatively powerless person to have sexual relations with? I mean, spending your money for some negotiable affection, that's one thing, but 'rich and powerful'? As a Nationals backbencher of no account or reputation whatsoever? It's not the trying and failing to get a leg over, it's that you very clearly have tickets on yourself there, mate, and those tickets are not going to pay out. And that's not even taking into account the inherent creepiness of the basic premise of the arrangement, as aforesaid."

[motg]

Everything about this was pretty impressive. It's an interesting conundrum, is it not? Which of these is more utterly repulsive than the other? Being an abusive sexual predator? Or wanting to be one and failing?

Neither is within a country mile of A Good Look.

[catsidhe]

Back in the York St days, there was a poster on the wall in the corridor from Port Arthur, featuring mugshots of inmates and their crimes. One in particular stood out. I mean, there was nothing noteworthy about the photograph or the font, nor was anything highlighted or outlined. But still, everyone's eyes were immediately drawn to this photograph, and the crime:

Attempted bestiality.

[motg]

Oh dear. The horse wasn't in the mood??

And Furthermore...

[motg]

It is very sad to think that such a delusional nitwit can get elected to Parliament.

Re: And Furthermore...

[catsidhe]

Sad, but not surprising.

Re: And Furthermore...

[thelancrewitch]

It really does not say much for our standard of governance that there is a steady stream of politicians who are so utterly unable to learn from the experiences of those who have come to grief before them after being unable to keep it in their pants. If one is unable to observe example after example and draw the obvious conclusion that I Am Not Going To Get Away With This, it doesn't lead one to believe that their grasp of their portfolio is going to be any more competent.

Re: And Furthermore...

[motg]

There is a time for Self-Denying Ordinances. The Coalition has reached it. I would always have predicted that the Nationals would be quicker on the uptake than the Liberals. But the solution to their problem is exceedingly simple. No more men until further notice.

I feel sorry for Damian Drum. He truly is the Old-Timer Nationals MP, and a thoroughly Bonzer Bloke. Put in these terms, I think he would agree to fall on his sword for the greater good.